Drug addiction/sobriety

[David.]

Hang in there man. 2016 was rough on a lot of people. Aside from having a good job and the Cavs winning the title, it was my roughest year. It certainly taught me that money isn't even close to being everything as I earned more this year than I ever have in the past, but I haven't been as happy otherwise; moving was more difficult than I thought and I'm still adjusting to new surroundings and less family/friends in the immediate area... additionally, a doctor told me I had a somewhat serious heart-related problem from an EKG test and sent me to the ER for something that turned out to be nothing more than a respiratory infection (he and his assistant both misread the EKG)... this gave me a case of health anxiety that I have never had before (no real health issues ever before) and I hadn't even been to a doctor except for a couple cases of strep in probably 8-10 years, but I've felt sick more in 2016 after that than all other years combined because of it and I'm still working to get over it at times. Health issues were something that never even crossed my mind before, now I can get myself anxious over minor symptoms. I've gotten a lot better recently and hope I am over it completely soon so I can be back to my normal self.

As Max said, find things that keep you going. I have a 6 month old nephew that whenever I am having a down moment, I try to think how much I want to see and help him grow up, etc. It's a constant bright spot that I can go to when I need positive vibes. I Facetime my sister a couple times per week for the sole purpose of getting to see him.

A quote I saw recently that I want to live 2017 by, "We are under no obligation to be the same person we were yesterday."

I think you have a great number of people here who really enjoy your posts and want to see you succeed in life. It sounds like if you got some help regarding what sort of career path to take that could really help you. Just a thought, but something technical sales-related may be of interest based on your other post. Would hopefully be lots of different projects to work on to keep you interested. Keep your head up and things will work out.

I'm glad your ok, friend.

 

[David.]

Last night didn't go as badly as it has been. It was fine. I still haven't slept, but, that comes with the territory.

Glad I came here and saw some things written, writing was therapeutic. That was the first time I had pieced together the state of things honestly since graduation.

I have asked my best friend who's in accounting information on the structure of my work environment.. 3 years, I'm at.. many hours. This is the norm. That pays dues, then I can find a place with more freedom.

Audit is an option out of the gate and I think I could do that. I just cannot sit in the same fucking space for the rest of my life for 60 hours a week: it's imprisonment and slavery.

Last week I started getting into habits of being a Normal person again.. gym, day job, address responsibilities that hadn't for awhile.

I did well last night by not fucking up. Today and tomorrow won't be wasted. I gained 48 hours.

I have to start making decisions. It's possible accounting is not right for me. Is moving out of the country? Going into psychology? Using my nest egg to supersede 9-9 work? Do I piece together several smaller earning things that require less commitment and structure? Do I just go straight into skilled trade apprentice ship?

Now is my chance, and biggest opportunity to NOT get trapped in that 9-9 world. I need to start thinking.

 

[David.]

Ok, so my mad t research project on politics is closing, I'm becoming more a real person and have a healthier outlook.


I had to parse out my work history, and figure out why what didn't work, didn't work. Sales jobs were fine because I was so good I was above rule. Didn't have to show up.

I can't do desk jobs (a line from syriana was my epiphany).


So just I thought, audit actually does work. So does say, being an vehicle damage appraiser. I'm not stuck in an office all day, I'm working numbers etc. And I think my degree qualifies.

Electrician etc works in some ways (no desk) but it's frankly not intellectually challenging enough to keep engaged.

I need something that uses a lot of brain power, that requires emancipation from desk, and preferably helps people. That is what makes me feel good.

That's where I'm at.

There's also the idea of moving out of country, going back to school for psychology, law school, piecing together side jobs that don't require a desk and pay well, so my work is diversified and my day is not 9 hours of the same thing.

=================


I also have 20-30g.. there are a lot of things I could do with this. Invest, go on with friends on real estate, get a second apartment and do airbnb, do my entrepreneurial accounting venture.. I would be more than happy to listen to suggestions.


In any event, I'm a lot better. I still need to figure out my specific parth before I can go back to principles that strictly address being the most emotionally healthy person I can be. Then I'll be fine.

 

[David.]

Beyond fucking red. I'm stu k here. There is nothing else to do. I want to kill.


There is nothing else I want to do. I need revenge.

Someone fucking help.

My friends sympathize with the shit bag bc she's 18. They also throw in she must not care.. for some reason. Even though she was crying was I pelted her with shit she bought my dog as she stood there, sobbing, unable to make eye contact.


How the fck so I feel better. Help.she's right fucking next door.

 

[David.]

Ok. Problem is gone, I have my home again. Very tempted to go back on tinder immediately for validation, fighting hard against that.

Resocializing and career is the focus this week

 

[cavman]

Ok. Problem is gone, I have my home again. Very tempted to go back on tinder immediately for validation, fighting hard against that.

Resocializing and career is the focus this week

Go on tinder right away, just make the minimum age 28 and max 38. It gets gross after that.

 

[David.]

Go on tinder right away, just make the minimum age 28 and max 38. It gets gross after that.

No dating right now

 

[cavman]

No dating right now

oh hell no. Just fuck them in a hotel so they can't find you later.

 

[David.]

now i feel galvanized.

time to get off the ass.

back in the gym. not dating, but getting myse3lf prepared to. set up psychology appointment tomorrow. and career services to see what Im able to do, and then bee line to interview.

tired of these bills coming up (hannah is going to have another lump looked at tomorrow) and sacrificing quality of life. tired of worrying about paying back my debt.

i just need to find something that i can make work, as far as a schedule, and not be stuck behind a desk all day. then im back to normal. fuck the drugs, which literally make it impossible to date (im crazy 1 day out of every week, and way too happy for 12 hours a day on saturday).

no more research to procrastinate my next move.

find a good group of people and get rid of the shitheads. no more 18 year olds.


please someone step in with some practical advice. im ready for it.

 

[David.]

Keeping on diet. Gym twice today. Hannah to vet and pest control.

It's time to fix life. Tomorrow will be more.

 

[David.]

Last week was just.. miserable. I lost my best friend to politics, which are just everywhere and not calming down. I started to ween myself off because it's impeding progress.

I need to continue that. My friend started texting me again. Faith texted me for the first time in a long time. No more politics, I'm just.. feeling uneasy all the time. Unhealthy. But I'm fucking addicted.

I cannot wait to take a debate class next semester.. maybe there's a social club I can join in the meantime.


Here's where I'm at:

I need to find a doctor, because I cannot sleep. Even on 10 sleeping pills

I need to get a real job so I don't have to take adderall. I'm ready to look.

I also need to stop the job and adderall because I am never going to be able to establish or maintain a relationship if I'm on that stuff. I'm just.. way friendly (not attractive) when I'm on it, and I.. am relentless when I'm coming down and it brings out the most viscous. Along with the sex stuff.

Getting a real job, which will be a test, will allow me to get off drugs and become normal and get sleep and find a serious relationship. I'm now heavily heavily incentivized.

Please, someone, for the love of god, message me Tuesday and tell me to keep good on the promises I'm making in this post.

 

[The Process God]

Dave, don't wait for a certain life event/change/milestone to occur before getting off drugs. It will lead to more disappointment no matter the scenario. Imagine finding no more happiness in your new job. It's back to drugs. Imagine failing to get a new job in your preferred time frame or setbacks occur. You will then continue to stay on drugs.

Drugs are preventing you from being where you want to be. They are a proverbial ball and chain on your ankle, and you hold the key.

Free yourself.

 

[Maximus]

Please, someone, for the love of god, message me Tuesday and tell me to keep good on the promises I'm making in this post.

OK, David. We are all pulling for you. Hope you have a great day today and a great week. Let's start keeping some promisses!!!

 

[The Human Q-Tip]

Last week was just.. miserable. I lost my best friend to politics, which are just everywhere and not calming down. I started to ween myself off because it's impeding progress.

I need to continue that. My friend started texting me again.

You need to slow down a bit, dude. You assumed that world had ended, until it didn't. It is easy when you are in a rough stretch to assume the worst all the time, but as your own post just demonstrated, that's not smart.

Keep up with your promises, but don't set the insurmountable standard of trying to meet them all immediately. Just take a step or two on a couple of them. Any tiny bit of progress helps.

 

[Maximus]

OK, David. We are all pulling for you. Hope you have a great day today and a great week. Let's start keeping some promisses!!!

David!!