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Drug addiction/sobriety

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@The Human Q-Tip that friend and I really aren't talking still, that tension is everywhere I see right now I don't see it going away.

@Maximus thanks.. thanks to both of you.

Took care of menial stuff like gym, groceries and work, focusing on next steps now.

Can't sleep. Medi-cal is taking too long so I'm going to have to pay out of pocket to see a doctor. Will continue to try over the counter and meditation etc until my appointment.


Dog park and then setting up an appointment with career services to find something that will work for my personality type.. then searching for head hunters and using a couple resources I've acquired, and mapping out an option board in regards to career, current jobs and where I want to live.

The drugs have to go. I can't even keep my diet in check because I don't eat for a few days and then I binge. There's no way in hell I can hold a relationship on this stuff. It just.. feels fucking good, is the problem. Every issue goes away. Everyone is beautiful. I wake up in reality and sometimes I've acquired things just by whatever happened when I was out of my mind (work is not work, it's money for having fun.. various remarkably attractive girls) but the bad outweigh the good. I cannot progress to the next phases of life if I'm on it.


So i have someone who will take the stuff off my hands, and that actually pays for 40% of my monthly income attributable to usage of it. The problem is the other 60%. Back to the idea that I need an actual job so I can make this transition.
 
@The Human Q-Tip that friend and I really aren't talking still, that tension is everywhere I see right now I don't see it going away.

@Maximus thanks.. thanks to both of you.

Took care of menial stuff like gym, groceries and work, focusing on next steps now.

Can't sleep. Medi-cal is taking too long so I'm going to have to pay out of pocket to see a doctor. Will continue to try over the counter and meditation etc until my appointment.


Dog park and then setting up an appointment with career services to find something that will work for my personality type.. then searching for head hunters and using a couple resources I've acquired, and mapping out an option board in regards to career, current jobs and where I want to live.

The drugs have to go. I can't even keep my diet in check because I don't eat for a few days and then I binge. There's no way in hell I can hold a relationship on this stuff. It just.. feels fucking good, is the problem. Every issue goes away. Everyone is beautiful. I wake up in reality and sometimes I've acquired things just by whatever happened when I was out of my mind (work is not work, it's money for having fun.. various remarkably attractive girls) but the bad outweigh the good. I cannot progress to the next phases of life if I'm on it.


So i have someone who will take the stuff off my hands, and that actually pays for 40% of my monthly income attributable to usage of it. The problem is the other 60%. Back to the idea that I need an actual job so I can make this transition.

You need to quit the roids.
 

You just said the drugs have to go.

Don't you think there is at least the slightest chance they could be hindering you mentally? Just the fact of doing steroids is affecting you psychologically.
 
You just said the drugs have to go.

Don't you think there is at least the slightest chance they could be hindering you mentally? Just the fact of doing steroids is affecting you psychologically.
Genuinely, no. The other things have a psychological impact. This one sucks for reproductive reasons, and for acne, but nothing on the psyche. I've never had any cliche aggressive outbursts that are the general populaces inference regarding anabolic steroids. I'm sure it's true for some people, but never has been for me.

Last time I cycled was when I was doing really well emotionally, and taking very little adderall. You could argue it's better for emotional well being if looking at my history, but I'd prefer not to even make that argument
 
Having weird dreams since I started using over the counter sleep aid. Trying to ween off.. hope to be able to sleep without it.

I have taken 1/2 of what I normally do to work tonight, over the course of an extra 4 hours.. I made more than I normally do and no black out. If I make work less fun I'll be pushed to find other stuff more quickly, and I'm more focused on earnings than when I'm on it.

Set up an appointment with career services for Monday. Have not been able to find a doctor.

I'm ready to get off this again. What helped is waking up after really negative dreams and being in a state of anxiety. Negative reinforcement has always galvanized me.

I looked at a picture from three Christmases ago. I was healthy, with Morgan and Madison. That picture was a snap shot of how life can be.. I was doing well and virtuous. I was a hero to someone before the drugs got a hold of me.

Been looking for motivation this past week. Really taken to heart the idea of internal locus of control, being responsible for your own decisions etc.

Tomorrow is a big test. I'm going to have that picture ready to look at. 300$ goal and taking a minimal amount to stay interested, awake and focused. Weening down to half usage. If I don't black out, and work isn't fun, I don't continue down this path and Monday I'll be ready to continue the goal of working out of this shit.
 
Complete fail.

There's no way to win without sleeping meds.

I took half an adderall and I was up fur 24 hours


Texted Everyone I shouldn't. Funniest part: they all fucking texted back.
 
Well I'm torn. I hit my goals and went above and beyond. Rekindled relationships I shouldn't have. but it looks like someone was bound to on every situation.

My dixk is fucking raw

Everyone loved me this weekend

Tomorrow is a gigantic day.
 
Sdsu sucks.

Called today and had to fight to make an appointment with career services. Lady basically said they are booked until May and not to bother.

Health promotion gave me a new list of psychiatrists. First I called basically requires you gamble, come in and wait six hours, and hope that you're mentally unwell enough for the doctor to choose you. She gave no info of what that actually meant. I asked her to specify what they're looking for, so I don't waste 6 hours, and she just regurgitated noninformation.

I basically just need to update my resume and fucking.. find something. Fuck all this ancillary shit.

It's been two months since I applied for medical etc. And no word
 
I did lose a pound of roast beef today, and I'm not too happy about that.
 
@David. feel free to PM me your resume if you'd like someone to check it/look it over.

Are you enrolled at SDSU? Surely they have something where you can go to a doctor pretty easily?

You could try going to a temp agency and seeing if they have any advice on career path. You can show interest in letting them place you somewhere. If they do and you like it, great. If not, you don't have to take whatever jobs they throw at you, and you hopefully get some good advice on the side.
 
@David. feel free to PM me your resume if you'd like someone to check it/look it over.

Are you enrolled at SDSU? Surely they have something where you can go to a doctor pretty easily?

You could try going to a temp agency and seeing if they have any advice on career path. You can show interest in letting them place you somewhere. If they do and you like it, great. If not, you don't have to take whatever jobs they throw at you, and you hopefully get some good advice on the side.
I'm technically a student because the graduation process isn't over.

I have a sales resume, not an accounting resume. Temp agency is in the plans, but realistically I have a record which means I'm not an ideal candidate for anything.
 
I'm technically a student because the graduation process isn't over.

I have a sales resume, not an accounting resume. Temp agency is in the plans, but realistically I have a record which means I'm not an ideal candidate for anything.

I'd still check it over for you, sometimes it's just good to have someone read it for grammatical errors. I had a couple people review mine when I was recently on the job hunt and they had some good suggestions. I'd recommend having someone check it over, if not multiple people.

I think you're okay as far as a temp agency goes in many cases. The company I work for does their own background checks, but the temp agencies they use clearly do not, because a lot of the guys just leave when they are asked if they can pass a background check.

I think the temp agency is more interested in you making them money than if you have things on your record.

There's a list out there of large companies that hire people with criminal records, you can google it and find it pretty easily if you have not already done so.

Also as far as sales goes, sometimes you could be an independent contractor, in which case they may not care about your record or do a background check.
 
I'm fucked.

3000$ to fix my car to the point I can pass uber inspection
 

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