Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom - 3/10
This movie was, impossibly, somehow even dumber than I thought it would be. I'm not sure why they keep trying to overcomplicate these movies with the evil corporation bullshit. Yes, that was present in the original Jurassic Park, but it was a very small part of the film mostly to set up the power in the park going down, which in turn led to the dinosaurs breaking free.
This entire fucking movie is about an evil corporation pulling dinosaurs from the park, which is about to be destroyed by a volcano, so they can auction them off to rich assholes. The entire second half of the film is all about that auction. You'll probably be shocked to find out that things don't go as planned and the dinosaurs get loose and murder everyone. Didn't see that coming.
This is all made even more stupid by the fact that they can literally make more of these dinosaurs whenever they want, so the entire first half of the movie where they go to save them seems pretty stupid. I guess it was all a weak justification to go and find Blue, the raptor from the first film, but I never really bought in to the importance of doing that.
At any rate, I find the whole military subplot laughable. I just can't imagine that these dinosaurs would be that useful in military scenarios, especially since they establish early in the film that a single pistol bullet can take down and basically kill a raptor. I just don't see any scenario where these things wouldn't just get gunned the fuck down in the field. They might do a little damage first, sure, but I just don't really see the cost/benefit being in favor of paying tens of millions of dollars for them like people were doing in the film.
SPOILERS
The film's ending is dumb too. Most of the dinosaurs get free while Jeff Goldblum does a voiceover monologue about how it's a Jurassic World now. But that's just fucking stupid, because there are only a handful of these dinosaurs, and in most cases only one per species, so these things would presumably die off or be killed within a matter of weeks, if not days, especially the carnivores. It's not as if they can find other dinosaurs to breed with, so I really don't see the danger. Some short term danger, sure, but long term? The only one that seems like a long-term threat is the giant swimming asshole from the first movie (don't remember the name and don't feel like googling it).
END SPOILERS
Don't see this movie. Well, if it's free, go for it I guess. It's entertaining enough if you wanna see dinosaurs kill people. But it's dumb as shit.