Drug addiction/sobriety

[Adam]

I thought about jumping every 5 minutes this week. I'm in such physical pain that dying i s the only thing that makes me excited about.
Didn't do it because I'm handicapped at the moment and the building I live in isn't high enough.

My personal story is so long and id love to write about it, but the pain levels that i'm in and the fact that i'm writing with my left hand makes it very uncomfortable. I had a comprehensive shoulder surgery a month ago after I reached a point where I couldnt use my hand and the repair failed.. this would probably not be such a huge problem by itself, but dealing with that and a host of other big issues make it seem like a neverending event. I have to operate on the other side too, but with my mental health and other physical problems make it seem unrealstic.

I should just accept it and be sedentary for the rest of my life at 27? can't even be sedentary because of my back pain
I was in a car crash and suffered numerous injuries and been on ADs for a long time. I have been sleep deprived for years now and my dick is dead. Been off medication for 1.5 years and it still hasn't returned.

Even if I somehow regain normal use of my shoulders, my back and neck are fucked, I have no education, cant maintain a job,no motivation for a better future, nothing gets me excited and I have no idea who I am anymore. The things I was once good at such as sports, being handy, having good social skills are a thing of the past. My good looks are starting to fade because of health and self neglect and it seems obvious that once my face is gone, my 0 charisma and drive will get me nowhere.
I need to reinvent myself but i'm incapable of doing so.

I missed out on so much in life since the age of 17 and I have nothing to look for.

Mr.Orange, my biggest problem is that I have both physical problems and mental problems. I can hardly beat one, so both?

I was hanging on to life because of the Cavs and even that is starting to wear off.. you can partially thank Durant for that.

This is just a very small sum of my problem.

What a pity post.

That is a really tough situation SirDom. The fact that you have been through so much already and are still here is a heck of an achievement. I have no experience of prolonged pain (apart from watching house MD) so i dont have any practical advice per se. I will say that my opinion is that your feeling exactly how you should be feeling in your situation right now and that having thoughts is very different to actions. Every time you choose living over something else you have an 100% increase in your chances of a better life.

I'm not saying its going to be easy and im not saying you life will be what you dreamed it was going to be at 16 but you have no idea how things will go.

here is a registry of international links for people to talk to if you want, as it hurts to type it might be useful

stay strong

 

[Nicky]

I thought about jumping every 5 minutes this week. I'm in such physical pain that dying i s the only thing that makes me excited about.
Didn't do it because I'm handicapped at the moment and the building I live in isn't high enough.

My personal story is so long and id love to write about it, but the pain levels that i'm in and the fact that i'm writing with my left hand makes it very uncomfortable. I had a comprehensive shoulder surgery a month ago after I reached a point where I couldnt use my hand and the repair failed.. this would probably not be such a huge problem by itself, but dealing with that and a host of other big issues make it seem like a neverending event. I have to operate on the other side too, but with my mental health and other physical problems make it seem unrealstic.

I should just accept it and be sedentary for the rest of my life at 27? can't even be sedentary because of my back pain
I was in a car crash and suffered numerous injuries and been on ADs for a long time. I have been sleep deprived for years now and my dick is dead. Been off medication for 1.5 years and it still hasn't returned.

Even if I somehow regain normal use of my shoulders, my back and neck are fucked, I have no education, cant maintain a job,no motivation for a better future, nothing gets me excited and I have no idea who I am anymore. The things I was once good at such as sports, being handy, having good social skills are a thing of the past. My good looks are starting to fade because of health and self neglect and it seems obvious that once my face is gone, my 0 charisma and drive will get me nowhere.
I need to reinvent myself but i'm incapable of doing so.

I missed out on so much in life since the age of 17 and I have nothing to look for.

Mr.Orange, my biggest problem is that I have both physical problems and mental problems. I can hardly beat one, so both?

I was hanging on to life because of the Cavs and even that is starting to wear off.. you can partially thank Durant for that.

This is just a very small sum of my problem.

What a pity post.

This is NOT a pity post. This is a start for you and for us to find ways to help you.
Feel free to PM. I think that collectively, we can find a way to help in some sort of way.

I'm sorry you're going through this. But we are here for you.

 

[WarAdmiral]

I'm going to kill myself soon.. thought this thread would be appropriate enough.
Where is the mental health thread? got some stuff I need to write.

Insanity is a sane response to an insane situation. I found that writing helped me sort myself out when I was overburdened with confusion. I found myself mired with what I didn't have which left me blind to which I did have. Life is a miracle. Be it created or evolved it is a miracle. There is plenty to inspired by to continue. Even if it is only to inspire others is the lone purpose of continued existence. It can be plenty enough, but it does depend on attitude and perspective.
https://youtu.be/8jhcxOhIMAQ

 

[Sir'Dom Pointer]

Insanity is a sane response to an insane situation. I found that writing helped me sort myself out when I was overburdened with confusion. I found myself mired with what I didn't have which left me blind to which I did have. Life is a miracle. Be it created or evolved it is a miracle. There is plenty to inspired by to continue. Even if it is only to inspire others is the lone purpose of continued existence. It can be plenty enough, but it does depend on attitude and perspective.
https://youtu.be/8jhcxOhIMAQ

I don't look at what I don't have.. I just can't even function with the pain anymore. I'm not even talking about my cuurent disabilities.
Right now with my bum shoulder everything is magnified. I can usually move around to lessen the neck and back pain, but with this bs I'm constricted to a chair and I can not escape the pain and it's agonizing.
I have powerful trapezius/neck/shoulder spasms that were a result of a botched surgery on my left shoulder that involved a thing called the brachial plexus. I had no idea how much it would affect the other shoulder and let me tell you, it makes it impossible to rest my arm which was partially why I screwed the repair.

When my pain is diminished my mood would always elevate as a result, instantly. My mood is not a result of my mind process or overbearing thoughts. I can't even thik when I have a flareup and that's when i'm at my lowest.

I'll watch it though, for sure.

Like you said, I wanna see someone walk in my shoes for a day. I'm with that shit for more than 10 years in the supposed prime of my life. I just wanna be peaceful.

 

[David.]

I don't look at what I don't have.. I just can't even function with the pain anymore. I'm not even talking about my cuurent disabilities.
Right now with my bum shoulder everything is magnified. I can usually move around to lessen the neck and back pain, but with this bs I'm constricted to a chair and I can not escape the pain and it's agonizing.
I have powerful trapezius/neck/shoulder spasms that were a result of a botched surgery on my left shoulder that involved a thing called the brachial plexus. I had no idea how much it would affect the other shoulder and let me tell you, it makes it impossible to rest my arm which was partially why I screwed the repair.

When my pain is diminished my mood would always elevate as a result, instantly. My mood is not a result of my mind process or overbearing thoughts. I can't even thik when I have a flareup and that's when i'm at my lowest.

I'll watch it though, for sure.

Like you said, I wanna see someone walk in my shoes for a day. I'm with that shit for more than 10 years in the supposed prime of my life. I just wanna be peaceful.

What do your doctors say about medications and pt to treat it?

Do you practice mindfulness?

 

[Sir'Dom Pointer]

What do your doctors say about medications and pt to treat it?

Do you practice mindfulness?

Tried a DBT course that did nothing to me.. was a total waste, but I know it helped others.

Doctors offer PT , but they tell me not to expect anything signifant. We both know it's futile.

As for medications, it just ruins my stomach. I thought about medical cannabis..

 

[David.]

Tried a DBT course that did nothing to me.. was a total waste, but I know it helped others.

Doctors offer PT , but they tell me not to expect anything signifant. We both know it's futile.

As for medications, it just ruins my stomach. I thought about medical cannabis..

Dude try it.

You need to try anything and everything until you find what works.

There's a lot of layers of the onion of well being, start on the biggest layer and we will work from there.

 

[Mr. Orange]

I thought about jumping every 5 minutes this week. I'm in such physical pain that dying i s the only thing that makes me excited about.
Didn't do it because I'm handicapped at the moment and the building I live in isn't high enough.

My personal story is so long and id love to write about it, but the pain levels that i'm in and the fact that i'm writing with my left hand makes it very uncomfortable. I had a comprehensive shoulder surgery a month ago after I reached a point where I couldnt use my hand and the repair failed.. this would probably not be such a huge problem by itself, but dealing with that and a host of other big issues make it seem like a neverending event. I have to operate on the other side too, but with my mental health and other physical problems make it seem unrealstic.

I should just accept it and be sedentary for the rest of my life at 27? can't even be sedentary because of my back pain
I was in a car crash and suffered numerous injuries and been on ADs for a long time. I have been sleep deprived for years now and my dick is dead. Been off medication for 1.5 years and it still hasn't returned.

Even if I somehow regain normal use of my shoulders, my back and neck are fucked, I have no education, cant maintain a job,no motivation for a better future, nothing gets me excited and I have no idea who I am anymore. The things I was once good at such as sports, being handy, having good social skills are a thing of the past. My good looks are starting to fade because of health and self neglect and it seems obvious that once my face is gone, my 0 charisma and drive will get me nowhere.
I need to reinvent myself but i'm incapable of doing so.

I missed out on so much in life since the age of 17 and I have nothing to look for.

Mr.Orange, my biggest problem is that I have both physical problems and mental problems. I can hardly beat one, so both?

I was hanging on to life because of the Cavs and even that is starting to wear off.. you can partially thank Durant for that.

This is just a very small sum of my problem.

What a pity post.

I second what Nicky said, this is not a pity post. It's perfectly fine to have emotions.

I am sorry that your situation is both physical and mental. That is really rough, and of course only a doctor can help you with the physical side. I think David is right though, for your pain levels, cannabis could be worth a try.

If you can get the pain to a bearable level, there are things you can do to have a meaningful life. If you can type, you can code. Lots of resources online. That's a job you can do from home. There are endless books to read, films to watch, conversations to be had, and sports to watch. Church groups can give a sense of community as well. Maybe some meet ups for gamers and that crowd? Maybe a rescue pet to care for down the road? You have worth as a human. Don't give up. Science and medicine are evolving fast. Hang in there.

 

[David.]

Sir dom, in valleys, they seem as though they'd last forever. They don't, and it always changes instantly. Some of its blind luck, but hold up your end of the bargain and make sure you're doing all you can to put yourself in the righ place for it to happen to you.

Fuck pity posts. No such thing. That mindset will make you bottle everything up. Isolation will kill you. Let it out so you can start to feel normal

 

[Sir'Dom Pointer]

tHANKS David. I had to go to bed so i'll update today.
Thanks for the support guys, you are awesome.

 

[David.]

5 months

 

[Cassity14]

5 months

Fuck yeah, man. Stay on it!

 

[Adam]

5 months

 

[David.]

It doesn't even register as something I want to do ever.

I was a fucking nightmare. The relationships I had were scary man. I was getting into trouble and doing risky shit. I've lost like 30 lbs and gained 15. Actually had feelings for someone, Textkng literally ten girls right now, have managed to start working full time, stopped being such a dick.

 

[Adam]

It doesn't even register as something I want to do ever.

I was a fucking nightmare. The relationships I had were scary man. I was getting into trouble and doing risky shit. I've lost like 30 lbs and gained 15. Actually had feelings for someone, Textkng literally ten girls right now, have managed to start working full time, stopped being such a dick.

Awesome . When you look back what do you think was the tipping point? Was it circumstances or a change in mindset?