First off, sorry for the long post below. I'm hoping there are some professionals or folks in this field that can possibly assist.
As of yesterday, my wife and I agreed that it's time for our family to come together to have an intervention for her brother (30 years old), who is addicted to percocet (at least that's the only one we know of / have caught him with). Over the past year, he's fallen hard into debt (car repo'd, phone shut off, etc.) as well as his wife asking for a divorce (they have only been married since Oct. 2016) - all stemming from his substance abuse. More alarming, he's displaying some erratic behavior stemming from these situations, where he's now parking his truck in the backyard to avoid repo as well as mentally abusing his wife through texts (talk of suicide, stealing his mom's phone to text his wife that his dad died). He's been able to turn us and his friends against each other through constant lies - all to cover up his addiction.
We've tried informal family and friend meetings to no avail over the past year or so. He's adamant that there is no problem and that he'd get better on his own - he doesn't need help. We gave him his space after the divorce, and things started to look better, but he only learned how to conceal and lie much better. We've waited for bottom and we all agree he's getting too dangerous to himself to wait any longer - if the divorce and financial debts aren't bottom, then physical harm to himself is the only thing left.
Little back story - he just turned 30 and is a Marine vet. He left the service about 10 years back after his brother, a fellow Marine and his role model, committed suicide as a result of PTSD from 3 tours in Iraq. That broke the family - his parents, both alcoholics before his brother's death, gave up on life. He was granted removal from the Corps due to the circumstances and never really recovered himself - no one did. I'm only bringing this up to demonstrate the mental health and addiction issues in the family. He's hardheaded and will argue over anything, so trying to help him get clean has been impossible.
With that said, I'm hoping someone here can help refer us to a professional or organization in the Cleveland area - I wouldn't trust the VA at this point, and given the impending furlough, who knows if they can even assist at the moment. We need someone to help us set up a formal intervention - who we should invite, where to have it, and how to get the most out of it. Given his family and friends have substance issues themselves, I know he won't listen to them. We know we need a concerted effort from everyone, so I need to know we're doing this right.
Thanks all - if you need any more info or have questions, let me know.
Big props for sharing. It's embarrassing to admit anything like this in your family. I know, I tried hiding my wife's pill addiction for years. Actually found some relief when I admitted to others what I was dealing with. Some people don't understand the emotional and physical toll it takes on family members and friends of the addict.
Trying to setup an intervention is a good start. Keep in mind that you don't want the addict feeling like everyone is against them and don't make it feel it's a get better or get lost scenario, at least not till the end. Go into this expressing your concerns, expressing how their addiction is affecting you, his family and what you see is affecting him. It's important to positively come across as the addict feeling like he will be fully supported when you and his family come out with the inevitable "you need help".
Tip: record on video this intervention. The addict may feel "ganged up on" during the intervention and it may seem like a waste immediately after and may lash out with words or actions. At the end of your intervention, replay it. Let the addict see and hear how they reacted. I only had sound for my wife's, but it was enough for her to realize that she didn't recognize herself and she needed help.
I can tell you, if you promise to be a part of their recovery or your wife promises as well, you better be prepared for a long haul. It is difficult. My biggest problem: my wife doesn't know who she is half the time since she has massive amounts of free time and I honestly believe that she lost 98% of her common sense.
It's worth it. It's very hard emotionally also.
Maybe the intervention doesn't work. Don't go into the intervention thinking that it will work and that's that. Be open to it not working. If it doesn't work? You have to be firm. As my brother in law was also an addict, I had to kick him out of my wife's life if he didn't get help. (He's since gotten help, court ordered, but my friendship with him is irreparable).
Counseling, counseling and counseling. It's one thing to admit that you have to deal with an addict, it's another to find someone who understands what you go through during and after. You need to be able to talk to someone who can let you vent. Have your wife do this, very important.
I'm kinda everywhere giving you info, but dealing with something like this, it's going to take a toll. There's no right way to go about this. I had 4 interventions (3rd was formal, retired drug law enforcement friend), multiple ultimatums, kicked her out twice, had to even call the law on her. After all that? She's 10 months clean (Suboxone therapy), but I still deal with the little quirks that makes me think she is hiding something and it's stressing.
Good luck. I can tell more details if you want or just someone to vent to if you want.
