The first round of the NBA playoffs is almost over. ONLY THREE WEEKS LEFT UNTIL ROUND 2! Anyway, this is just about the time of the season where I start paying attention and stuff. And while my basketball knowledge is essentially a blank Aqua Doodle, there is one thing I wanted to mention about LeBron.
Title or not, I don't think there's much chance that guy leaves Cleveland. I think David Stern implored James to delay announcing his intentions for as long as possible so that Knicks fans would be dumb enough to buy tickets for next year or something. I think all the talk about him going somewhere else is mostly wishful thinking, a hope that he'll do something Earth-shattering, rather than choose the relatively dull (but not to Cavs fans) option of staying put. If LeBron stays in Cleveland, the whole thing becomes a non-story. If he goes, we get to spend months and months and months talking about how he fucked Cleveland over and all that crap. It's a far more intriguing endgame (again, not to Cavs fans), which is why it's fun to picture it.
Knicks fans may need LeBron, but the city of New York doesn't. If LeBron spurns the Knicks, New York won't shrivel down to nothing. It'll just keep on being New York, with the same shitty basketball team they've had for a decade now. But Cleveland. Cleveland would fucking implode if LeBron left. That's nothing you don't know, but I always think that it's better to be needed than to be wanted. LeBron's a hometown boy, and I strongly doubt he's eager to become Art Modell with a 16-inch cock (hawt).
Daydreaming is something that comes up a lot in this here funbag. And while we may not talk sports here much, sports serve as the launching pad for roughly a third of all male daydreams (sex and guns the other 66 percent). Not only do I picture myself as a pro athlete or coach, but I'll often picture myself as someone ELSE who is currently an athlete or coach. Perhaps you've done this as well. You have the fantasy, and you're not you in it. You're LeBron. All of him. You've completely infiltrated his body and can now pilot him like you're inside an AT-AT. I do this all the time, and I've totally done it with LeBron, where I can dunk and strut and score quality tang and all that.
And I thought of this scenario. Let's say the Cavs win a title. No given, obviously, what with the bum elbow and all. Let's just say they somehow end their season at home, win or lose. The following will never happen, but I think it would be bitchin' all the same: At the end of the game, I (as LeBron) take the mic to address the crowd. I have my extension with the Cavs written up and ready to go (I'm sure this was already done before he was even drafted). I have my agent hand me the papers and I hold them up for the home crowd. I tell them I've made my decision, and then I sign that shit right in front of everyone.
Again, this won't happen. But if it did, it would fucking rock. If it came right after winning a title, on the podium, there wouldn't be enough mops to get the collective jizz off the court. I would really like to see that happen. A spontaneous signing bukkake in the arena. That couldn't happen if LeBron signs with the Clippers.
