David.
Radical Centrist
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- Jun 30, 2009
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Been working on this project for awhile.
This is Sternbergs triangular theory of love.
Passion is essentially novelty and wears off in every relationship. When people celebrate their fiftieth wedding anniversary they are celebrating companionate love. Passion isn't the primary focus.
I was shocked to learn that those in arranged marriages report higher satisfaction than those in passion based marriages. But, thems the facts.
The reason is because in Western marriages, passion is the focus. When that dopamine and oxytocin wear off, and it always does, youre left with questions and uncertainty. In America, the social construct of love is supposed to be never ending or bending. This is poetic love. What songs and movies and TV shows teach us love is is pretty damaging.
People will often drop a relationship with those Neuro transmitters stop firin off, thinking this means it's run it's course rather than the next stage of the relationship, with is imminent, has started. People break up and move on. Ths is an endless loop of the first leg of Sternbergs triangle.
Sternbergs argues companionate love, Wich is intimacy and commitment, is the actual goal. The satisfaction rates in arranged marriages seem to back this up.
These marriages are a logical choice. Instead of the concept that we ought to find someone who makes us feel warm and fuzzy and then marry them, it is turned into a logical decision. The importance of the actual Union and what it means takes precedence. It is understood that it isn't about passion. Therefore, no one can be let down when the feelings fade. No one questions if they've made the right decision.
One partners parents will get sick and eventually die. The partner will take care of them and in doing so, intimacy grows. The commitment is already there. Sometimes the passion grows and sometimes it doesn't, but these marriages are entirely different institutions predicated off of entirely different ideas than ours.
I will teach my children that The passion is nice but you don't make life long decisions when you're high, which is essentially what that love is. Rather than finding someone you feel fuzzy about, you should find yourself someone you want to be with for the rest of your life. This is an exceptionally more lastng and beneficial paradigm than the former. Those whom you are passionate about are rarely the person that is a good match for you.
Lasting love is about growing together. Feelings fade. You have to go into marriage with the idea that it isn't going to be pretty all the time and sometimes it will be just awful. Focusing on passion rather than the commitment and intimacy is a fools errand.
This is Sternbergs triangular theory of love.
Passion is essentially novelty and wears off in every relationship. When people celebrate their fiftieth wedding anniversary they are celebrating companionate love. Passion isn't the primary focus.
I was shocked to learn that those in arranged marriages report higher satisfaction than those in passion based marriages. But, thems the facts.
The reason is because in Western marriages, passion is the focus. When that dopamine and oxytocin wear off, and it always does, youre left with questions and uncertainty. In America, the social construct of love is supposed to be never ending or bending. This is poetic love. What songs and movies and TV shows teach us love is is pretty damaging.
People will often drop a relationship with those Neuro transmitters stop firin off, thinking this means it's run it's course rather than the next stage of the relationship, with is imminent, has started. People break up and move on. Ths is an endless loop of the first leg of Sternbergs triangle.
Sternbergs argues companionate love, Wich is intimacy and commitment, is the actual goal. The satisfaction rates in arranged marriages seem to back this up.
These marriages are a logical choice. Instead of the concept that we ought to find someone who makes us feel warm and fuzzy and then marry them, it is turned into a logical decision. The importance of the actual Union and what it means takes precedence. It is understood that it isn't about passion. Therefore, no one can be let down when the feelings fade. No one questions if they've made the right decision.
One partners parents will get sick and eventually die. The partner will take care of them and in doing so, intimacy grows. The commitment is already there. Sometimes the passion grows and sometimes it doesn't, but these marriages are entirely different institutions predicated off of entirely different ideas than ours.
I will teach my children that The passion is nice but you don't make life long decisions when you're high, which is essentially what that love is. Rather than finding someone you feel fuzzy about, you should find yourself someone you want to be with for the rest of your life. This is an exceptionally more lastng and beneficial paradigm than the former. Those whom you are passionate about are rarely the person that is a good match for you.
Lasting love is about growing together. Feelings fade. You have to go into marriage with the idea that it isn't going to be pretty all the time and sometimes it will be just awful. Focusing on passion rather than the commitment and intimacy is a fools errand.