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The Fabulous Shawn Kemp

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The Oi said:
No kidding.

Mine was Lil Glove.

I found women rarely responded to me until I changed it to Above Average Glove.
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Hilarious, because my nickname was Magnum D.I.
 
Good news all! My father has been exonerated of any wrong doing!

Apparently Dad lost his iPhone, silly man always misplacing things! He tracked it to a car and the people in that car then opened fire on him!

Being the maverick, cowboy, man in assless chaps that he is, he pulled out his own legally registered fire arm and exercised his right to defend himself under conceal and carry laws in the state of Washington.

The cheeseburger lies are false. My father is a hero!
 
I vote this thread name to be changed to “Shawn ‘I didn’t do it/2nd Amendment’ Kemp”.
 
  • Haha
Reactions: Lee
He was probably shooting at Jim McIlvaine….
 
When I was a young child growing up in Cleveland Heights, Dad wasn't around much. This wasn't his fault, as an NBA player he traveled quite a bit. He referred to my mother Bertha as "a triflin' hoe". He stated that she slept with all of Cleveland. This was untrue. She was a good woman and always took care of me and my 14 brothers and sisters.

For my 11th birthday celebration Dad took us to Qzar in Mayfield. He said "Y'all can run around and shoot each other with lasers and shit and leave me the hell alone". It was a wonderous event. We played lazer tag, ate pizza, and even played the often forgotten arcade classic Virtual On. What more could an 11 year ask for?

The embarrassment came later once the kids of the party started huddling around the new Mortal Kombat 4 machine. Daddy Kemp came over and mumbled, "Imma show you butt clowns a thing or two about MK4". Dad challenged each young child to a digital battle to the death, where he destroyed each young party goer one by one. Dad hurled insults at the children as he beat them in matches and executed each digital participant with a fatality. The children's parents that were at the party were appalled. He used Fujin to levitate slam children over and over again. It wasn't very sporting.

When it was time to open presents, Dad said he was going to take them all and return them for cheeseburger and beer money. He did. He even returned my Nerf Bow and Arrow. He then proceeded to Paninis Willoughby and got rip roaring drunk with all 14 of my brothers and sisters in tow.

We were later found in the arcade at Great Lakes Mall in Mentor with Dad no where to be found. I remember playing Time Crisis 2 when the police arrived and asked us where our father was. "I'm not sure I responded, he left us with $600.00 and said that he was off to find a bish".
 
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Phills14 said:
I laughed hard at this. Definitely did not expect a Qzar reference today.
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It was a bright spot in my troubled childhood. Taking your report card there to get free lazer tag games was such a deal. Dad yelling tended to ruin the fun for me.
 
I'm new to this thread, maybe it should just be Shawn "Nut In" Kemp.
 
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