The mental health thread

[Adam]

Any opinions on whether to see a male or female therapist? I need a new one

My guess would be gender is not the best deciding factor. You need someone who is a good fit for you, my guess would be a straight talker with a lot of experience and a solution-focused approach over a psychoanalytical one

 

[Adam]

Started a new job in December, had a few good weeks and then the holidays came... I haven't been to work since the holiday break ended. So many emotions are piled up at once and I am still not over my parents' deaths. One year anniversary of my moms passing is coming soon too...

Question: Can I take a leave of absence and seek some help? Or is that going to end my employment? Does anybody understand the procedures?

Thanks!

It will vary from employer to employer. My guess would be that because you started in December you will still be in a probationary period which can complicate things. In the UK your best bet would be to go see a doctor and get a note to validate your time off and then protect your role to a certain extent. When ready you would meet the HR person and have a phased return to work schedule and a few meetings schedule to see how you were coping. Your company might have a HR policy on their website you could check against

 

[Norm]

So, last night was an adventure.

Gonna try to shorten it up because it's difficult to talk about.

Got a text from my dad saying he needs help with my mom. I rush over, run inside and low and behold............ she's crying and shaking. Said that my sister died in a car crash. Well, my sister wasn't in a wreck. My mom was hallucinating, just straight up out of it.

Squad took her to the ER. Doctors are belittling fools. They wanted to initially write it down as withdrawal. She has been on antidepressants and Xanax for 40 years so I can understand why they would say that. Wasn't until us siblings stressed how much mental issues her side of the family has endured; Alzheimer's, dementia, etc., before they wanted to chart for a psych eval.

I was really scared and still am. I'm known as the "rock" in my family. I'm the one to keep everyone calm and collected, or just be the collected one when everyone else can't. I have to admit, I don't know if I can be the one to hold up if it turns out the way us kids think it will. My oldest son is 14 and my mom quite didn't understand that I had a son, yet alone 3 kids altogether. That hit me pretty hard emotionally. And to top all this crap off, my wife is pissed because I didn't check in every 5 seconds or initially tell her everything that was going on as soon as I walked into my parents house.

My mom even had trouble recognizing me as her son. I was so hoping for a better year than 2017.

If you're religious or not, prayers from God, Buddha, Mohammed, whoever else would be great for the family. Just for the strength to deal with whatever happens.

Thanks for listening

 

[Adam]

So, last night was an adventure.

Gonna try to shorten it up because it's difficult to talk about.

Got a text from my dad saying he needs help with my mom. I rush over, run inside and low and behold............ she's crying and shaking. Said that my sister died in a car crash. Well, my sister wasn't in a wreck. My mom was hallucinating, just straight up out of it.

Squad took her to the ER. Doctors are belittling fools. They wanted to initially write it down as withdrawal. She has been on antidepressants and Xanax for 40 years so I can understand why they would say that. Wasn't until us siblings stressed how much mental issues her side of the family has endured; Alzheimer's, dementia, etc., before they wanted to chart for a psych eval.

I was really scared and still am. I'm known as the "rock" in my family. I'm the one to keep everyone calm and collected, or just be the collected one when everyone else can't. I have to admit, I don't know if I can be the one to hold up if it turns out the way us kids think it will. My oldest son is 14 and my mom quite didn't understand that I had a son, yet alone 3 kids altogether. That hit me pretty hard emotionally. And to top all this crap off, my wife is pissed because I didn't check in every 5 seconds or initially tell her everything that was going on as soon as I walked into my parents house.

My mom even had trouble recognizing me as her son. I was so hoping for a better year than 2017.

If you're religious or not, prayers from God, Buddha, Mohammed, whoever else would be great for the family. Just for the strength to deal with whatever happens.

Thanks for listening

Good luck buddy

Even rocks need a place to let it all out so trying find some safe spaces to let your feelings out.
I can empathise where you are coming from and I hope they can get a treatment plan that helps. My only slither of advice is changes like these hit us like grief and to just accept that there are going to be times when you are on a roller-coaster emotionally and that is perfectly healthy. It sounds like this is the most recent and severe incident from a long term thing so I'm sure you're up to the challenge.

Good luck and we are here for you

 

[David.]

Woo boy, I'm getting into mindfulness and it's confusing as fuck.

Anyone else explore any of this?

 

[TheISHT]

Yeah, do the raisin exercise, the breathing one being mindful of your whole body is kind of Trippy.

 

[David.]

Yeah, do the raisin exercise, the breathing one being mindful of your whole body is kind of Trippy.

Going through guided meditation has a pretty noticeable effect when shit gets too thick. Doesn't work always, especially for extreme situations but man often you can really feel a significant difference.


.. The concepts of meditation, the self and the ego etc etc are.. Pretty complex. I've been immersed for a couple days in The Power of Now and Waking Up and.. It's just a lot. And it goes so fast..

I feel like rationalizing and empathizing with negative events and bad actors can be really beneficial for facilitating the eradication of anger and frustration.. But mindfulness proposes you just.. Let the thought be and notice it. I'm not sure I see a substantial benefit from this practice quite yet. But noticing you are thinking rather than getting lost in that thought does seem to stop that thought from metastatisizing.

 

[David.]

Studies are in. @Sir'Dom Pointer might be interesting to look into. Mindfulness improves cognition and helps deal with physical and emotional pain.

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/bf00845519

Ninety chronic pain patients were trained in mindfulness meditation in a 10-week Stress Reduction and Relaxation Program. Statistically significant reductions were observed in measures of present-moment pain, negative body image, inhibition of activity by pain, symptoms, mood disturbance, and psychological symptomatology, including anxiety and depression. Pain-related drug utilization decreased and activity levels and feelings of self-esteem increased. Improvement appeared to be independent of gender, source of referral, and type of pain. A comparison group of pain patients did not show significant improvement on these measures after traditional treatment protocols. At follow-up, the improvements observed during the meditation training were maintained up to 15 months post-meditation training for all measures except present-moment pain. The majority of subjects reported continued high compliance with the meditation practice as part of their daily lives. The relationship of mindfulness meditation to other psychological methods for chronic pain control is discussed.

 

[David.]

Could really use something on burnout.

A book would be great

 

[David.]

There's an app called "thing counter"

Basically a quick to tally system.

Really helps you get into good habits . I cannot remember to wear my seatbelt. So Everytime I clickb it, I tally. Already done it 8 times today.

Habits can really change your life.there are things called keystone habits. this is a phenomenon in which one foundational thing has natural, vaguely related benefits . Making your bed = more productivity and focus . Exercise is probably the biggest one. Positive thinking is big - I have these set up in different ways on my counter

The counter implements a reward system that inherently encourages you to be more mindful with your habits. My electric bill is 1/3 of what it was last month. I am working around 65-70 hour weeks at the moment.


Just thought I'd pass the idea along

 

[Mr. Orange]

There's an app called "thing counter"

Basically a quick to tally system.

Really helps you get into good habits . I cannot remember to wear my seatbelt. So Everytime I clickb it, I tally. Already done it 8 times today.

Habits can really change your life.there are things called keystone habits. this is a phenomenon in which one foundational thing has natural, vaguely related benefits . Making your bed = more productivity and focus . Exercise is probably the biggest one. Positive thinking is big - I have these set up in different ways on my counter

The counter implements a reward system that inherently encourages you to be more mindful with your habits. My electric bill is 1/3 of what it was last month. I am working around 65-70 hour weeks at the moment.


Just thought I'd pass the idea along

How can you not remember to wear your seatbelt?

Yeah, I was into mindfulness and meditation for awhile and was pretty happy, then I got a promotion and fuck all if my life isn't much more stress and misery now. I made plenty of money before so I am starting to think it's not worth the extra money though and may find something that gives me a pay cut but doesn't have me miserable every hour of the day.

Good reminder though, I need to get back to my morning meditation. All it requires is waking up 15 min early, lighting a candle, and sitting against the wall.

 

[David.]

How can you not remember to wear your seatbelt?

Yeah, I was into mindfulness and meditation for awhile and was pretty happy, then I got a promotion and fuck all if my life isn't much more stress and misery now. I made plenty of money before so I am starting to think it's not worth the extra money though and may find something that gives me a pay cut but doesn't have me miserable every hour of the day.

Good reminder though, I need to get back to my morning meditation. All it requires is waking up 15 min early, lighting a candle, and sitting against the wall.

Happiness hypotheis. After your bills are paid money doesn't mean much to your happiness.

I fucking hate the seatbelt, it feels like being strangled by a weak guy all day long

I'm also studying burnout at the moment. It's a pretty big topic and sort of important to know about. Don't know enough about it yet to give any advice

 

[gourimoko]

Happiness hypotheis. After your bills are paid money doesn't mean much to your happiness.

As a business owner, I would put to you that this is false. That is, unless you define "bills" as expenses, and future expenses as well as the opportunity cost of not reinvesting money back into your business.

 

[David.]

As a business owner, I would put to you that this is false. That is, unless you define "bills" as expenses, and future expenses as well as the opportunity cost of not reinvesting money back into your business.

It wasn't above like advice intended for business owners and "paying your bills" isn't super literal.

Once your needs are taken care of and you have money, putting in an extra 20 hours a week for an extra x amount isn't going to have as much an impact on happiness. Diminishing return/hedonic treadmill/adaptation principle

 

[Mr. Orange]

It wasn't above like advice intended for business owners and "paying your bills" isn't super literal.

Once your needs are taken care of and you have money, putting in an extra 20 hours a week for an extra x amount isn't going to have as much an impact on happiness. Diminishing return/hedonic treadmill/adaptation principle

Some Princeton economists did a study some years back that $75K was the salary that above this, your happiness did not meaningfully increase. I would guess it depends on the city though.

The shocking part of this study to me was that they found 85% of people were happy each day. I find this number really high, but I remember I was pretty happy until I moved jobs for more money, and entered a toxic work environment. Even my posting on this site is negative af now. That wasn't me. This job though...boss is extremely negative and belittling, people on eggshells all day, afraid to speak up, he constantly bad mouths others to me so you know he is bad mouthing me as well, everyone is like a scared and battered person. But the money is really good. Over $200K for me, but I tell you I was happier at my old job 5 years back at $70K.

This seems awful right? I should find a new job shouldn't I? Anyways, I updated my resume this weekend but I want to hang on for as long as I can and get that money.

Rant over. I have to go to the toxic place now. My mental health is shit. Everything seems awful.