On behalf of the 49ers organization, I'd like to make three announcements. First of all, we welcome Pro Bowl center Jeremy Zuttah in a trade with the Baltimore Ravens. Getting a player of his caliber for moving back a few picks in the sixth round is a great haul for a rebuilding offense.
(I'm not kidding, lucky fucks just got a good center for free!
http://www.ninersnation.com/2017/3/15/14939572/49ers-trade-for-center-jeremy-zuttah-baltimore-ravens
Browns are never this lucky. I digress...)
Secondly, I'm here to announce a trade of the #2 pick to the Texans out of pure spite for the New York Street Whores organization. While the offer from
@Triplethreat was indeed more enticing than the deal made with the Texans today, we know of the strong moral character of their front office. The Texans likely make the playoffs in 2018 so the picks aren't likely to equal the value of the #2 overall, but year one of the 49er rebuild should be about fixing the many, many holes on the roster. The 49ers are rivaled only by the Browns in the sheer number of truly disastrous positions for depth.
Thirdly, I want to remind everyone that making a trade agreement with the Jets franchise is like getting a prison blowjob. It might feel like a good idea at the time, but there's a damn good chance you will get a shiv in the taint over borrowing contraband two weeks ago out of nowhere. Can't trust them!