My team is named King Ralph, after the baddest ass in Pennsylvania. My brother in law's dad. Two stories about him that will tell you all you need to know:
(1) He once beat a man hard enough that he hid underneath a car to get away. Instead of giving up and leaving, he poked the guy with a tree branch until he came out and then beat him some more.
(2) He keeps a sword in his living room in case of a break in. Does not own a gun. One night when my bro in law was a kid, someone did try to break in and my bro in law is the one that heard him. He yells to Ralph, who yells out, "YESSS!" he goes running to the living room, grabs the sword and walks over to the door telling the guy to "come on in, asshole" wielding the sword over his head and blasts the screen door open all within 20 seconds or so. My bro says he like crouch walked out onto the porch like he was going to use an actual ninja attack on the guy, but the dude was long gone. His mom said she heard the guy say "holy shit!" when He heard Ralph first start screaming at the door.
Same guy that taught me to light a cigar properly and then to smoke it correctly by "ya gotta do this like you're it eating pussy"...which still doesn't make sense to me. Only king Ralph can imagine eating pussy while
Smoking a dick shaped object.
I've also never seen a woman so attracted to her husband. It's very clear that his wife (who is hot now and was a 10 when she was young) hangs on his every word. She giggles like a school girl at everything he says and whenever he makes some joke relating to sex- which is quite often- she looks turned on by it. It's amazing.
He's a football coach and everybody in town loves and respects the guy, but he's terrifying when he gets pissed off. I've seen him scream at a neighbor for leaving shit on his lawn too long, his sons for mowing the grass shittily and his daughter (who is as hot as her mom was) for being a huge bitch and you can hear it down the street.
He's one of those guys that's so manly and beastly that just sitting around him makes you want to kill something and eat it with your bare hands just to try to impress him.
He's going to be my neighbor when I move to PA in December.
King Ralph.