To do this. You take your hand and simply press the surface of the steak. You wouldn't pick the steak up from the pan and grip it. You'd literally just press down on it's center to gauge how firm it is..
This is what they'd teach you in culinary school.
If we're talking about cooking steak, there really shouldn't be much oil in the pan at all.
Steaks typically "fry" in their own fat but don't release much into a hot pan. If you see tons of fat coming out of your steak then your pan is not hot enough.
If you're cooking a filet mignon, then yes, you will have ample amounts of olive oil and butter in the pan. You would be spooning this butter over the filet and moving the filet in the pan constantly. To gauge doneness you can use your basting spoon.
You can use tongs if you'd rather not put your hand in the pan; however, when you place your steak or chicken or fish in the pan - you typically should be putting your hand very near the pan as it is, even when fat frying.