well.... fuck

[bob2the2nd]

so i think ive blasted it everywhere, but my wife and I currently live in bavaria (Germany). Its absolutely amazing. We literally live in a valley with mountains and hiking trails everywhere, there is a river a short walk away with miles of paved paths up and down. We can walk to like 5 grocery stores, the main downtown area full of shops, a fucking gorgeous lake.., We have never been so relaxed and happy with the world. This is paradise for us and we arent the only ones. people have lived within about half a mile of our house for at least 4000 years.

and then... fuck. Yesterday my wife got a call that her father unexpectedly passed away. My wife's family lives in Oregon. I took my wife to the airport this morning so she can fly back home. She might be able to return around the 17th but it might be longer. My wife's mother cant really take care of herself, much less a house, with 2 animals. I honestly i have no idea whats going to happen, and I am probably best served staying here and taking care of our animals, as there isnt really dog boarding out here (people take their dogs with them everywhere they go). So i feel like a shit ass husband who cant support his wife....

Just to rub salt in the absolute shit of the situation, my wife has been promising me we can go to the Cavs game in Paris for 6 months now (sorry has been demanding that we go). We were literally finalizing all of our reservations when we found out about her father...

just fuck. I want to scream into the void.

 

[Adam]

so i think ive blasted it everywhere, but my wife and I currently live in bavaria (Germany). Its absolutely amazing. We literally live in a valley with mountains and hiking trails everywhere, there is a river a short walk away with miles of paved paths up and down. We can walk to like 5 grocery stores, the main downtown area full of shops, a fucking gorgeous lake.., We have never been so relaxed and happy with the world. This is paradise for us and we arent the only ones. people have lived within about half a mile of our house for at least 4000 years.

and then... fuck. Yesterday my wife got a call that her father unexpectedly passed away. My wife's family lives in Oregon. I took my wife to the airport this morning so she can fly back home. She might be able to return around the 17th but it might be longer. My wife's mother cant really take care of herself, much less a house, with 2 animals. I honestly i have no idea whats going to happen, and I am probably best served staying here and taking care of our animals, as there isnt really dog boarding out here (people take their dogs with them everywhere they go). So i feel like a shit ass husband who cant support his wife....

Just to rub salt in the absolute shit of the situation, my wife has been promising me we can go to the Cavs game in Paris for 6 months now (sorry has been demanding that we go). We were literally finalizing all of our reservations when we found out about her father...

just fuck. I want to scream into the void.

Sorry to hear that Bob.

There's lots of different ways you can support your wife even though you can't be there and I'm sure she knows you've got her back.

Life comes at you fast some times. Good luck

 

[CleveRocks]

@bob2the2nd , Sorry for her loss and the burden. We of a certain age are dealing with aging parents and it is a shit show. The silver lining is that she will spend some time with her mom while she is still here. My Dad passed in 2000, and Mom in 2018. I miss both still. Make the best of it. Bavaria is one of my favorite spots. I spent a couple of weeks south of Passau and it was fantastic. Well except that the inn i stayed in had a 6 foot ceiling in the room and the bed was 6 foot long (I am 6'3" ..

 

[JDailey23]

so i think ive blasted it everywhere, but my wife and I currently live in bavaria (Germany). Its absolutely amazing. We literally live in a valley with mountains and hiking trails everywhere, there is a river a short walk away with miles of paved paths up and down. We can walk to like 5 grocery stores, the main downtown area full of shops, a fucking gorgeous lake.., We have never been so relaxed and happy with the world. This is paradise for us and we arent the only ones. people have lived within about half a mile of our house for at least 4000 years.

and then... fuck. Yesterday my wife got a call that her father unexpectedly passed away. My wife's family lives in Oregon. I took my wife to the airport this morning so she can fly back home. She might be able to return around the 17th but it might be longer. My wife's mother cant really take care of herself, much less a house, with 2 animals. I honestly i have no idea whats going to happen, and I am probably best served staying here and taking care of our animals, as there isnt really dog boarding out here (people take their dogs with them everywhere they go). So i feel like a shit ass husband who cant support his wife....

Just to rub salt in the absolute shit of the situation, my wife has been promising me we can go to the Cavs game in Paris for 6 months now (sorry has been demanding that we go). We were literally finalizing all of our reservations when we found out about her father...

just fuck. I want to scream into the void.

May be better off brining her to live with you or sell her home and move her in close to you. Definitely not ideal, but my wife and I were caretakers for my wife’s grandmother for a few years after her husband past. It wasn’t fun and very hard/stressful, but that’s life.

 

[Criznit]

so i think ive blasted it everywhere, but my wife and I currently live in bavaria (Germany). Its absolutely amazing. We literally live in a valley with mountains and hiking trails everywhere, there is a river a short walk away with miles of paved paths up and down. We can walk to like 5 grocery stores, the main downtown area full of shops, a fucking gorgeous lake.., We have never been so relaxed and happy with the world. This is paradise for us and we arent the only ones. people have lived within about half a mile of our house for at least 4000 years.

and then... fuck. Yesterday my wife got a call that her father unexpectedly passed away. My wife's family lives in Oregon. I took my wife to the airport this morning so she can fly back home. She might be able to return around the 17th but it might be longer. My wife's mother cant really take care of herself, much less a house, with 2 animals. I honestly i have no idea whats going to happen, and I am probably best served staying here and taking care of our animals, as there isnt really dog boarding out here (people take their dogs with them everywhere they go). So i feel like a shit ass husband who cant support his wife....

Just to rub salt in the absolute shit of the situation, my wife has been promising me we can go to the Cavs game in Paris for 6 months now (sorry has been demanding that we go). We were literally finalizing all of our reservations when we found out about her father...

just fuck. I want to scream into the void.

Hey Bob, I live in the Portland Metro area. Not sure where in OR your Mother in law lives, but if there is anything I can do for you and your fam, I am happy (well willing) to try to help.

Sorry man, getting old kind of sucks.

 

[bob2the2nd]

Hey Bob, I live in the Portland Metro area. Not sure where in OR your Mother in law lives, but if there is anything I can do for you and your fam, I am happy (well willing) to try to help.

Sorry man, getting old kind of sucks.

Thank you. Thankfully my wife's sister and BIL live in Tigard (wife's parents are down in Dundee). So having relatives nearby will make things easier (hopefully). Know any financial advisors that deal with stuff like this? There is going to be a lot of paper work and I don't even know where to start.

 

[DirtyDan]

You and your wife will probably need to have a discussion with her mother about long term care. Whether that be getting a home health aide or nursing coming to the home to assist her or finding her a retirement community/assisted living.

These things come at people fast and they are uncomfortable to plan for. No one wants to anticipate death or illness or some seniors will believe the responsibility is on family to center their lives around caring for them after a certain point.

Sorry for your loss, Bob. You and your wife will make it through this and come out stronger

 

[Criznit]

Thank you. Thankfully my wife's sister and BIL live in Tigard (wife's parents are down in Dundee). So having relatives nearby will make things easier (hopefully). Know any financial advisors that deal with stuff like this? There is going to be a lot of paper work and I don't even know where to start.

I lived in Tigard for many years, recently moved a bit further south. Off the top of my head, I do not. But if I can find out anything, I will send you a message. Glad your wife has some family support in the area.

 

[bob2the2nd]

May be better off brining her to live with you or sell her home and move her in close to you. Definitely not ideal, but my wife and I were caretakers for my wife’s grandmother for a few years after her husband past. It wasn’t fun and very hard/stressful, but that’s life.

Definitely something we are considering. If we were in the states it would be easier, but moving her out to Germany would be damn difficult.

 

[Criznit]

You and your wife will probably need to have a discussion with her mother about long term care. Whether that be getting a home health aide or nursing coming to the home to assist her or finding her a retirement community/assisted living.

These things come at people fast and they are uncomfortable to plan for. No one wants to anticipate death or illness or some seniors will believe the responsibility is on family to center their lives around caring for them after a certain point.

Sorry for your loss, Bob. You and your wife will make it through this and come out stronger

My family is nearing a discussion/decision with our mother as well. Quite frankly one of the reasons I haven't been back to visit recently is I know my older brother is going to confront me on this.

Last time we danced around this inevitability he said something like I cannot be the only one to make this decision...

I am dreading it, but I know something will have to be done sooner than later. In a way, maybe this is my wake up call.

Perhaps today is a day to reach out to family for no reason other than to say "what ya doing?" "I love ya." Think I'll start doing that now...

 

[DirtyDan]

My family is nearing a discussion/decision with our mother as well. Quite frankly one of the reasons I haven't been back to visit recently is I know my older brother is going to confront me on this.

Last time we danced around this inevitability he said something like I cannot be the only one to make this decision...

I am dreading it, but I know something will have to be done soon than later. In a way, maybe this is my wake up call.

Perhaps today is a day to reach out to family for no reason other than to say "what ya doing?" "I love ya." Think I'll start doing that now...

Please do. My father refuses to plan for this and I am concerned what will happen when his health begins to fail and the medical costs go up. Same with my Uncle. They think death will come before needing help to do daily activities of living or going to a facility that will meet their level of care.

Seniors want their dignity and independence protected like anyone else, but they sometimes fail to recognize when their needs are too great for family to handle it in house.

 

[JDailey23]

My old man is 76. I haven’t gone down to Florida in about 4 years.
My goal is to go down there this summer with my son and see him and my mom. He needs a hip replacement and it’s gonna be hard on him. Thanks for this post. I needed a wakeup call. I’ve spent too much time on my wife’s family, who’s here locally, than MY family. Has me thinking hard.
Thanks

 

[bob2the2nd]

My old man is 76. I haven’t gone down to Florida in about 4 years.
My goal is to go down there this summer with my son and see him and my mom. He needs a hip replacement and it’s gonna be hard on him. Thanks for this post. I needed a wakeup call. I’ve spent too much time on my wife’s family, who’s here locally, than MY family. Has me thinking hard.
Thanks

My wife demanded her father fly out to visit us over the summer ( he didn't want to because of Marylands gun laws). Finally she won over. It cost us money no doubt as we paid for every last cent but we all had a blast and it's fantastic memorirs. It was worth every single last cent. Sometimes you just have to write the check. In 10-15-20 years you won't regret it

 

[bob2the2nd]

You and your wife will probably need to have a discussion with her mother about long term care. Whether that be getting a home health aide or nursing coming to the home to assist her or finding her a retirement community/assisted living.

These things come at people fast and they are uncomfortable to plan for. No one wants to anticipate death or illness or some seniors will believe the responsibility is on family to center their lives around caring for them after a certain point.

Sorry for your loss, Bob. You and your wife will make it through this and come out stronger

Does anyone here have any experience with the people coming to the house to assist? I don't understand why this isn't a much bigger market. My wife's mom asked about this over Christmas and we would love to make it happen, but have no idea how. Someone stopping by 2 or 3 times a week just to check in would be a life saver (maybe literally)

 

[JDailey23]

Does anyone here have any experience with the people coming to the house to assist? I don't understand why this isn't a much bigger market. My wife's mom asked about this over Christmas and we would love to make it happen, but have no idea how. Someone stopping by 2 or 3 times a week just to check in would be a life saver (maybe literally)

It’s available. My wife’s grandparents had Medicare and they had the option but 100% refused to have “strangers” in their home. They were very stubborn and made things 100x more difficult. Getting it in their head that they need help is a lot harder than being the help.