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Chris Parker/Cleveland Scene answers your questions part 2

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Chris Parker said:
New column up as I get back into doing gamers for playoffs

http://www.clevescene.com/scene-and-heard/archives/2017/04/06/cavs-arent-afraid-of-no-celts

Cavs Aren’t Afraid of No Celts!


Nobody likes a challenge more than the Cavaliers. Blessed with more talent than anyone in the Eastern Conference, they’ve treated the regular season like their senior year in high school, with sporadic attendance and attentiveness. There were injuries, new players, not enough practices, irregular rotations and a grueling March travel schedule to share the blame for their inconsistent and indifferent effort, particular on defense. It often seemed they enjoyed playing offense so much they could barely be bothered to get back on defense, and whenever the offense tanked, the defense followed suit.

Then yesterday morning, dispiriting news emerged: Tristan Thompson had sprained his thumb and would miss at least the next two games. Those who’ve noted Thompson’s faltering rebounding and defensive numbers worried that the heavy load had worn him down, saw a mixed blessing: At least Thompson would get some rest. Lue admitted in a recent postgame that last season’s insertion of Mozgov into the starting lineup in March was to ease the load on Thompson, a luxury he hasn’t had this season at least since Chris “Birdman” Anderson’s injury (though as luxuries go he was pretty much a pocket protector).Naturally, with the best big man tied behind their back, the Cavaliers played one of their best games of the season. Even on the back-end of a back-to-back on the road – circumstances under which the Wine and Gold have gone lost nine of ten this year – they brought the intensity and energy all game long.

Most importantly, however, LeBron James activated the Zero Dark Thirty protocol, transforming from one of the best players in the NBA into a one-man Apocalypse, whose passing amplifies the skills of his already fierce horseman-henchman. They had no answer for his power.
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The Cavs decided to spank the Celtics and show them whats going to happen in the playoffs.
 
Got my postgame analysis up.

http://www.clevescene.com/scene-and...cavs-struggle-to-break-bad-habits-pacers-will

The footlights came up at the NBA Playoffs and Cleveland did its act, but it didn’t slay. The Cavs ran through their best material and it scored to design, but the Cavalier defensive nonchalance showed up as well like nose hair-wilting halitosis. Those weren’t tears of joy streaming down the faces of Cavalier fans after Saturday’s 109-108 victory over the Pacers.

The much-lauded playoff switch more resembled the step-up of a three-way lamp than The Fast and The Furious nitrous shots. There was greater effort and intensity on defense, but also that familiar languor as the Wine and Gold blew a 9-point lead midway through the fourth quarter. The Big Three had posted 62 points and Cleveland shot 60% from the field through three quarters, but then shot went 6-19 in the last stanza including 3-15 by the starters....
 
New columns is up....

http://www.clevescene.com/scene-and...last-stanza-thrill-seeking-to-dispatch-pacers

If the Cavaliers were the proverbial gift horse, they would have some kind of intestinal distress that killed all grass and low-flying insects in a five-foot radius. Yet they’d be as smart as Affirmed and as fast as Seattle Slew – at least until the last quarter mile where they lollygag by the rail, ramping up excitement before beating their opponent in a near photo-finish.

You know, for the lulz. Whatchu gonna do? Adrenaline junkies, amirite? But what’s the big deal? Find out where your swimmer buddy gets his noseclips and we’re off to the races. Just grab a good hold of the monkey grip and try to relax your ass cheeks. Oh and enjoy the ride! Don’t worry if there’s parts where you just want to close your eyes and pray, that’s perfectly natural.

The Cavaliers’ playoff launch hasn’t been as smooth as New Coke, but at least they’re not the Celtics or a North Korean missile. While the naysayers are right to grumble about the team’s defensive focus, faltering attention to detail and the ease with which they lose the “ball movement” thread of the basketball conversation....
 
New Column is up...

It’s not true that history repeats but it certainly stutters, and at the moment its syllabic stopping point in James. LeBron James. Not shaken. Unstirred. The Eastern Conference Vishnu, the not-so-secret destroyer of dreams for teams this side of the (figurative) Mississippi. There is no answer for him, only questions, for any attempt to stop him almost inevitably unravels at the other end.

The supposition in Toronto, and for many NBA observers, was that the addition of two gritty, defensive minded vets (PJ Tucker and Serge Ibaka) capable of stretching the floor would help Toronto survive the onslaught. If they’ve provided any protection, it’s been like an umbrella in a tsunami, because the Raptors are taking on water like Natalie Wood.

http://www.clevescene.com/scene-and-heard/archives/2017/05/04/breaking-down-cavs-beatdown-of-raptors
 
Raptors are taking on water like Natalie Wood. Phuck You Chris.
Now excuse me while I clean my monitor................
 
New article up
Cavaliers Make Dino Heel and Ask, "Who's next?"
eastern_conference_bogeyman.jpg

He's the Eastern Conference bogeyman, haunting the dreams of ballers East of the Mississippi as the Freddie Kruger of hoops.

http://www.clevescene.com/scene-and...08/cavaliers-make-dino-heel-and-ask-whos-next

Two fellows are enjoying a tankard of ale in 16th century Rome, complaining about their arranged marriages and the plague of carriage travel when talk inevitably turns to Michelangelo.

“Eh, I never thought much of him,” says the first fellow. “I’ll give ya, David is pretty good, but I’ll take Donatello any night of the week.” The second fellow snorted so hard beer ran out of his nose. “Are you kidding? Have you seen the Sistine Chapel? Have you been eating funny mushrooms?”

“No, I quit last week,” says the first fellow. He goes on to explain that he’s hanging with this fellow Biff Sackless, who says Michelangelo ain’t shit, and that Raphael is where it’s at. “He was saying how Michelangelo did half that shit lying on his back. That’s scandalous. Real painting occurs standing up! Probably why it took so long, was laying there sleeping off his benders. Who’d know?!”

At this point the second fellow grabbed his deluded buddy, dragged him for a half-century, plopped him in front of a television and – after explaining the relevant rules – showed him LeBron James his first eight games of the 2017 playoffs. The metaphor’s collapsing into a singularity but the truth that barely escapes is that we are witnessing something legendary that will be talked about for decades to come.
 
Chris Parker said:
At this point the second fellow grabbed his deluded buddy, dragged him for a half-century, plopped him in front of a television and – after explaining the relevant rules – showed him LeBron James his first eight games of the 2017 playoffs.
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Millenium?
 
The Human Q-Tip said:
Did Reghi "bring it strong"?

Love Chris, can't listen to Reghi. So this presents for me an immovable object/irresistible force conundrum....
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This one was interesting because Chris was doing the interview and not being interviewed. I thought it was awesome. Chris asks really good, pointed questions.

@Chris Parker are you going to start podcasting regularly?
 
jking948 said:
This one was interesting because Chris was doing the interview and not being interviewed. I thought it was awesome. Chris asks really good, pointed questions.

@Chris Parker are you going to start podcasting regularly?
Click to expand...

This was sort of a test. I think I will do a few of these for the final two rounds and may talk with some other people than Michael Reghi as well.
 
Chris Parker said:
This was sort of a test. I think I will do a few of these for the final two rounds and may talk with some other people than Michael Reghi as well.
Click to expand...
I loved it!! You're a really natural podcast host.
 
New column up...

Crimson & Clover: Cavs Clobber Celtics and Take Their Lucky Charms

http://www.clevescene.com/scene-and...s-clobber-celtics-and-take-their-lucky-charms

The Celtics encountered an uncomfortable truth last night: One team in the league has the greatest of all-time, he’s mission-bound and in no mood to mess around. Sucks to be a Celtics fan, first pick and all, because LeBron James is not available in next month’s draft, and the King is even less anxious than Lear to pass on the crown. James made this abundantly clear in a 117-104 pasting of the Boston Celtics.

Millions are spent every year on videogames that allow people to experience through a controller the dominance LeBron James brings to real life. There is nothing routine about such pwnage; the dedication James brings to bear is enough to shame his teammates into longer practice sessions and extra workouts. Yet at a moment when many thought James might be sliding inexorably back to earth he’s soaring still higher, like vintage Michael Jordan on a gravity-defying dunk.

By the age of 32 most athletes have peaked. Need we remind you that LeBron James is not even close to “most athletes”? Hell, “exceptional athletes” are mere acquaintances given the exclusive company his play has earned. As well as he played during the regular season – enough to make it back into the MVP discussion after a couple years absence – his postseason makes that seem like a pace car lap. James is pulling his own Martin Luther, nailing his unparalleled vitae to the peach basket hoop. To gaze upon it is to open the Ark of the Covenant – in a word, face-melting.
 
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