Screw guessing for the gift card, we're going full retard here on how to fix it.
Browns coaching staff:
Browns Front Office:
New Team President of Football Operations:
The front office needs credibility, and Haslam pulls the strings to get the most footbally of football guys around. Haslam pays him big, he gives him a little team stake, and a long drawn-out blowie in the parking lot for good measure.
Big win with the media and potential free agents. Is he experienced in this role? Hell no. But that's ok, he's a sharp guy. He has to be, look at all that head-space for a mega brain.
To the jingle: PEY-TON MAN-NING SAVES THE BROWNS.
Paul DePodesta is retained as Chief Strategy Officer, Andrew Berry is left in his personnel role, and Sashi is offered to be retained as VP of football operations without the executive title. Or make something up himself. "Vice President of Salary Cap Operations" or some shit. These guys are smart, they just need a true football guy making the final say.
They rejoice at retaining their jobs.
So, filling the coaching job, Peyton Manning is going to retread on a previous coach. Guys to watch if they get fired: John Fox and Adam Gase. Or... Tony Dungy says "Let's do this, Peyton. Praise be to Jesus."
Reaching, Jim Harbaugh is a name to watch, as well as John Harbaugh who may be a shocking fire at the end of the season.
I'm making shit up, but let's go ahead and say our new coach--like it or not, he's Peyton's guy--is John Fox. I think he gets hated on too much. He's a damn good football coach who has taken two separate franchises to a super bowl.
So, now it's time to be competitive. With a projected $100+ million in cap room, Peyton says "FUCK IT. GUNS UP, LET'S DO THIS."
He stalks Kirk Cousins for 2 nights, remembers he's fuckin' Peyton Manning, and walks up to his door with confidence.
Peyton:
(To the jingle) "PEY-TON'S HERE TO SIGN YOUR ASS"
Kirk: "You had me at ass."
6 years, $132 million, $47 million guaranteed. This is similar to what Andrew Luck received from the Colts in years and guaranteed money--and he's 29.
Well done...
Now,
To the Jingle "PEY-TON NEEDS A RUN-NING BACK."
When Peyton calls, Le'Veon listens. His boy Kirk gives him a call 'crootin, too. We're assuming he isn't franchised again, but the Columbus-product relishes the opportunity to come back to Ohio.
He becomes the NFL's highest paid running back easily taking over Devonta Freeman, signing a 5-year, $52 million dollar deal with $28 million guaranteed.
At this point, an OL depth signing, perhaps corner/DB depth signings, maybe a veteran slot receiver for the locker room, but these were the two main highlights of free agency.
We retain $50-60 million in cap room to roll to next year and extend our young guys who have earned it. Keeping the savvy cap-portion of the front office in place, these contracts are front-loaded now while we have the room and soften during the length of the deal as we need to extend draft picks.
Now, we are ready to dominate the draft now that we have QB and RB taken care of:
To the Jingle "CLEVE-LAND BROWNS ARE ON THE CLOCK"
1st overall: The Cleveland Browns take Minkah Fitzpatrick, DB, University of Alabama. Whether it's as a large corner or a sweet-covering free safety, this young secondary gets its man. He can do either at an All-Pro level on the NFL stage. He'll probably trend to free safety, where he's what you'd imagine Earl Thomas to be if he was 6'1 instead of 5'10.
#5-7 (Texans likely spot): Come the combine, he's going to climb. He's fantastic, and the world will see. He's this year's Corey Davis riser. They go out and get their WR to complement Coleman, Njoku, and Gordon and give Cousins another weapon: Courtland Sutton, WR, SMU. 6'4 225 lb beast of an outside WR.
#26, 1st round: The Browns trade #33 and a fourth rounder from Carolina to move up and get an offensive tackle, Orlando Brown, LT, Oklahoma. He's spotted anywhere from 10-30, and the Browns go up and get him. It's so early in the process, there's a chance Sutton and Brown could be had at opposite slots. Doesn't matter, in this mock, we get them both. This answers the long-term Joe Thomas question, but he can start on the right side until that time comes. Orlando Jr. does not take a bean bag to the eye from a hate-crazed referee auditioning for a bullpen job with the Yankees.
#37-39, 2nd round (Texans likely spot): The Browns go get a long cornerback, Isaiah Oliver, CB, Colorado. A Fitzpatrick, Oliver, Peppers, McCourty, Taylor, Kindred, BBC secondary looks young, fierce, and deep. Woo boy, talk about turning a weakness into a strength.
With the Eagles 2nd, (#60-64), the Browns take a guy who has been falling down draft boards, depending where you look. CBS has him in the 50's now. WR, Calvin Ridley, Alabama. Sutton, Ridley, Coleman, Gordon. Some much needed talent added to our receiving corps, with Gordon being a wildcard to stick on the roster or get traded for a best offer in the offseason.
With number 65 of the 3rd round, the Browns take: 6'0, 230 lb Tegray Scales, LB, Indiana. This is a versatile linebacker that can give us a guy to compete inside in a 3-4 or at MIKE or WILL in a 4-3. Big time play-maker at Indiana, where he was a tackling machine and also had 6 career interceptions.
The rest of the draft, Peyton and the boys take risks on some players with upside. They add a pass rusher, a RB, and some interior defensive/offensive line.
2018 rolls around...
Ogbah, Garrett, Njoku and these young guys keep developing....
Browns go 9-7 in 2018 and sneak in as a wild card. Young with a future full of promise.
To the jingle: "CLEVE-LAND BROWNS ARE GOOD A-GAIN"
